A Work in Progress

This video was incredibly enlightening... Transform your thoughts, and be in touch with your own emotions. I love her perspective and I am truly intrigued by it. I've always known that happiness is not in material things and honestly feel that people who believe they are will recieve a very VERY rude awakening when they achieve all those material goals and still find themselves unfulfilled. Happiness is within yourself. So cliche, but so true. I have realized that I have been doing alot of self pitying. Which is disgusting. I feel bad , frustrated, and have been wollowing in those feelings. By doing that, it makes it seems as though they will never end. and that this state, will last.. forever. However this isn't true. I can still be happy. and even though I might not be exactly where I want to be right now, I'm getting there. and maybe where I want to be won't  happen. But something will. and i will still be happy. 


I have realized that in this period of time I have learned more about myself than in any other time of my life. I am funny, charismatic, lazy, loud sometimes. I like to perform and be the center of attention. I enjoy laughing. I anger easily and get frustrated easily. I am impatient. I love to love. I love to be held and touched and be esteemed by those that I esteem as well. I like to be happy. I am nostalgic.

I have realized though that when I listen to my heart and my soul, I can clearly distinguish each emotion as it swells and becomes a part of my reaction. I still have so much growing and introspection to do. But I feel satisfied in saying that I've atleast come to a  point where I realize that I can recognize my emotions for what they are. and to say that I am getting to know myself. This person that I am. 22 years old and I had never given my own soul a chance to whisper its desires back to me. The more you listen, the louder the whisper will become. Until that voice is powerful enough to be heard at all times. Because its you. to the core. Me. Samara. I love it, I couldn't wish to be anyone else in the world.

 With all my flaws. all my imperfections. I'm still me. And whose to even say that my imperfections are imperfections. Or that you're flaws are flaws. The world? our society? your father? mother? No one but yourself will scream it out. Anger feels bad. Jealousy feels bad. No one in this world has to say it. You feel it. within yourself. If our own minds and emotions can let us know what makes us feel bad, good, or neutral. Why should we not also believe that our own minds and souls can lead us to bliss and happiness. We attach that feeling to everything in the outside world but never take a look at ourselves. That is our biggest downfall.

When I get that job, I will be happy. When me and my boyfriend get married, we will be happy. I will be happy once I get this degree, that car, this house. All of these things that can come and go as fast as they desire. You could lose it all, or become something completely different then what you envisioned. The key is not to base happiness on the acquisition of these things, but to somehow accept the change for what it is and just take it.

I'm still working on this.
I really like her description on alcohol and its intake. If we attach that need to it, then alcohol becomes a problem. But if we just let alcohol be alcohol and still find happiness in that scenario without it, then there is no harm done. It's that insatiable need of ours to connect things with happiness, I need a drink or I can't enjoy this bar. I need a drink to loosen up. Once I'm drunk i'll be more fun. I am SO guilty of this.  Somehow thinking that by drinking a "better" me will emerge, someone who is an upgrade to the sober me. Therefore making me dependent on that drink when I want to be extra live.

..I'm going to stop drinking as much. Because I dont like myself when I drink excessively, and I dont like the decisions I make. Because It's not me nor who I want to be.